i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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