hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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