I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
