singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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