I only kidnapped one of them. chill
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
