bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
