Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize