dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
