I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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