I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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