watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You are the jesus of drinking
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
