Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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