Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
