I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
