listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
