i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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