Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
