My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
4 words: hood of his car
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
