So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
