I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's like God shit irony all over that family
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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