Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
