Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
