I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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