I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
