Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
