The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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