I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
