I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
