dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
