I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
