Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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