the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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