he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
