My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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