She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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