do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize