Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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