I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
