I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
