I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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