Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
