next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
