i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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