I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
