He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
