so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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