Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
