All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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