Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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