dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
