yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
