i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
