dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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