So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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