Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
