Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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