no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize