We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
