my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
