Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
