Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
