Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
