I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
