someone threw a dead crab at me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
