I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How's work?
Spinning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
