I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
