So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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