every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
