I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
