Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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