Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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