dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
