I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i dont even know how to be here
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize