yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
