Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
