oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
