Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

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(207): View more from Maine

i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

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(740): View more from Ohio

She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.

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(509): View more from Washington

They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?

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(847): View more from Illinois

My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here

(732): View more from New Jersey

I guess he's ir-illiterate

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