We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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