My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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