i permit you to call me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
