I wish I could teleport
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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