I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize