HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
