So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
