"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
