I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
