I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
