is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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