Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize