I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
