if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
