Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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