Sponge bath it is.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
