I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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