Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
