Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
