He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
