Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
