i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize