We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
