Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
