you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
