were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
